Firstly, I would like to thank Didi for allowing me to participate in Stripped Bare. Not only does this seem to be a hot box topic right now, but it is something I feel very strongly about. What most readers call ‘fictional’ BDSM, I would like to know that the people that are writing such an intense subject matter, are doing research. Just like I expect historical romance writers to properly research the time period they write in, or suspense writers to do research on serial killers. When Thomas Harris wrote Silence of the Lambs, he not only combined multiple famous killers, including, but not limited to, Ed Gein and Ted Bundy, but he sat in actual classes with FBI profilers to properly construct a killer and created the heroine Clarice Starling. What makes us, as BDSM writers any different from that sort of hard work in our writing?
“It’s not the people building a dungeon I’m worried about, it’s the people who have no clue what BDSM is all about and decides that smacking your girl/boyfriend around is kinky fun when they have no idea how to do it right or when the other party doesn’t enjoy it. We all know people only read/see/hear what they want to and no one ever reads the fine print.”
Adelaide Cooper gave me permission to post this quote. She writes erotica fiction and I read that in a forum post regarding 50 Shades of Gray. She basically said exactly what I try to say in pretty much two simple sentences. “We can’t assume that people won’t take it as fiction. We have to know that they WILL try it, or could try it.”
BDSM is already considered ‘taboo’. It is even called that as a tag for BDSM books. It is boxed in with incest, and bestiality. Because, those are ‘taboo’, so if we write it inaccurate, paint it to be something that it isn’t, then people are still going to think that way. I still read reviews from readers, on books that simply have the topic of spanking and they calling it abuse. It stings, and it cuts to the core. Getting inside the mind of a D/s relationship is the most important part for me. I am not just a submissive, but I have recently discovered my love of pain, well, my husband did. Why? Why do I need to be flogged with more intensity? Why do I get such intense pleasure from submission, from being on my knees? The accuracy, in which I can show that to my readers, is one of the most important things to me. I believe I was born with the need to submit. I read my first ‘bodice ripper’ when I was 13, and I should have known then. But how is a 13 year old supposed to know that? All these elements, all these tiny little signals are important details that I have to commit to as a writer.
I am not just here to weave a fantastic tale of love and raw passion. But I am here to give the reader something real in the world of fantasy. If I don’t know the answer, by God I’m going to find it. There is usually only one, and it only takes one reader, that will wonder how good you got it, go in search of it, and see if you really know your stuff. I am not saying that some of my BDSM don’t tales pull the truth. I have never actually been able to spend a full 24 hour period of play with my husband, especially after subspace. Generally, when I get to that point, I’m done for the day and happy as a clam. But in Whips and Wax I push the play. I show some evolution in the husband and wife characters. However, there are couples that live a 24/7 lifestyle, so pulling the truth is its, own Shade of Gray.
I also stop and think; if I spent all that time researching, learning the rules, learning the proper way to play, then I damned well owe it to my readers to spend the same amount of time giving readers proper information.
Want to find out more about Bonnie and her books, visit her web-site
http://www.bonnieblissauthor.com/
NOTE: Guilty Pleasures remains neutral on this topic, we are providing the means for each author and our readers to discuss the topic. The views and opinions expressed in each post are that of each author.
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Great job sharing your insight and feelings. Forgot all about starting with the bodice rippers at about the same age.
Thanks for kicking off the series, Bonnie! I, too, started with bodice rippers (“Flame and the Flower” being the first). A few years later, I read “The Story of O.” (I moved fast in those days. WARNING: That is NOT recommended for someone trying to explore erotic romances, though! It is hardcore BDSM–NOT a romance. lol)
I love books that celebrate safe, sane, and consensual relationships in the BDSM lifestyle and will never apologize for what I write either.
I’m looking forward to the takes the other authors in this series will have about the BDSM subgenre! Now I have to spend some time with a heartbroken sadist on a mission–to make his sweet masochist feel something again (and to cry). Okay, that’s two missions.
Thanks for the insightful information. One canalways learna little more. The authoris new tome. butI willcheckout her books.
Great post Bonnie. I like a good spanking every once in awhile and hubs says that I “need” it sometimes, too.
Marika
Thanks for sharing…just like reading about deep sea diving or space travel, I enjoy the vicarious experience of reading BDSM tales (-:
“It’s not the people building a dungeon I’m worried about, it’s the people who have no clue what BDSM is all about and decides that smacking your girl/boyfriend around is kinky fun when they have no idea how to do it right or when the other party doesn’t enjoy it.”
I really like this quote. It reminds me of why I’m curious by nature and always looking for an answer to a question I might have. My curiosity about the BDSM lifestyle doesn’t extend beyond research, reading, and journaling. But the people I’ve encountered along the way who have been gracious enough to help me understand have helped me really learn to appreciate and respect this lifestyle. In turn, I’ve come to appreciate and respect the authors who write these amazing stories.
Thank you so much for visiting! I was worried about my post, lately I feel in the minority in regards to researching the subject matter I write about, or being accurate as possible.
Katy- Bodice Rippers were my life for FAR TO LONG! LOL!
Kallypso- Thank you for dropping by. I really appreciate your encouragement and I can’t wait for your post! As writers I don’t think we should apologize. It is all about the craziness that lives in our heads and the stories that WE need to tell!
Marika- I think my husband likes to ‘say’ I ‘need’ a spanking, when really it might be, for me, stress relief ;-P
Elf2060- I am a huge fan of suspense/thrillers when I’m not writing or reading erotic fiction. I love trying to solve a crime before the end of the book! So for me research is key! And each author I have read spins it different, but they are very accurate when what they do =) Thank you for dropping by!
Mirriam- I saw that quote and I messaged her instantly if I could use it in this post. It was everything I try to say, though I usually take 3000 words to explain myself lol (I tend to be wordy at times ;-P)
Bonnie, I think research is essential. When I read books like Fifty Shades, I’m saddened by the way it runs roughshod over sane BDSM practices. I’ll be talking about that on the radio tonight. Hopefully, I’ll be able to represent people like you and me who’ve “been there, done that” and who continue to do it!
Thank you everyone for stopping by. And thank you Bonnie for your post.
I enjoy reading BDSM, personally, I am more of the sensual pain and D/s type girl,however I will read a variety of all forms of BDSM.
Thank you for sharing your story. I really liked you borrowed quote. I really enjoy reading BDSM, so I will be looking into your books.
I appreciate that you did research your topic before you wrote about it because I think misinformation is what stirs up trouble.
Thanks for your post!
Sometimes I feel silly doing tons of research. It can eat up your whole day and you never know how much of the information you’re really going to use. But I think the biggest problem now is I’ve become more picky as a reader. Since I know how certain things–take subspace for example–really work, I’m likely to groan and toss a book when the facts are all wrong. Not that I expect perfection, but I can tell when an author at least tried to respect the subject they’re writing about.
And bodice rippers! Oh, I still love those, but yeah, I started those really young too! I don’t think I really understood the sexuality of them until I was in my late teens (I was a tomboy until then and sex was ewww! lol!) but I read them and found them exciting on a very basic level.
Someone told me once that it’s PC to be into rough sex and a bit of slap and tickle, but the extremes some of us need is less acceptable. So I guess maybe socially approved kink doesn’t need any special research.
I prefer the kind of kink that has the vanillas chasing you around with a straightjacket! lol!
Oh! Plotbunny! 😉
Thanks Bonnie for sharing your story and thoughts with us here. I appreciate your honesty and your research.
Another very cool and informative post, D. I hadn’t heard of Bonnie Bliss, but I will definitely be checking her out asap.
I just started reading BDSM within the last few months and I love it. It’s so much more than I ever expected.
I love that you do so much research. For those of us that are curious but don’t live the lifestyle, being able to read stories that are true to the rules and experiences brings us closer to understanding. It also prevents ignorance in those that think it is all about power and pain. I love having so many authors share such amazing perspectives.
Great post Bonnie. I agree with you about the research part. If a historical writer didn’t do research and put something that wasn’t really likely to be in the historic time period, a reader would think that the writer was just spouting off. I like to know that the books I read have something true to the genre. It makes the read all that more enjoyable.
luvfuzzzeeefaces at yahoo dot com
Hello, Bonnie, Thank you, I do sometimes wonder if some of the authors I’ve read know anything about what they are writting about. Some of the things seem way off the top and dangerous and not for someone new to try at home so to speak.
Z
Great post Bonnie I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!
Great post!! I really appreciate all the research that goes into these books. I started reading bodice rippers young too. I can remember the fist one my mom let me read in junior high. She made me promise to skip the pages of the “bad” parts.. LOL.. I read those parts at least three times. I discovered erotica and BDSM early last year, and have found the I have a need to be submissive in the bed room. I’m not so much into a lot of pain, but a little sensual pain is quite a turn on.
Thank you for sharing. I’ve recently started reading some BDSM and have enjoyed most of them. Even being new to reading it I can tell when it’s written from real research. There’s a honest feel to the story. What I really like and appreciate about the stories is the trust and honesty needed between the people involved. That’s what makes the story believable.
Great post Bonnie! I sincerely appreciate the fact that you thoroughly research everything. There is nothing worse than reading a book, especially a good book with just one thing wrong that ruins the tone for the entire story.
I haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey, and I’m not sure I will. I prefer my BDSM to be consensual and centered around mutual respect. I was at the salon last week and 50 Shades was the topic of discussion. I suggested the ladies read a real BDSM story like Kallypso Master’s Rescue Me series or Cowboy Casanova by Lorelei James. I think the image they had of little old vanilla me will be forever gone. But I wanted to have my say and suggest something true to the lifestyle.
I’m now adding Bonnie Bliss to my TBR list and wish I’d known her name last week. I’m really looking forward to the rest of the BDSM authors and hearing what they have to say!
Heather E